Bali

I've just gotten to the section in Eat, Pray, Love where Liz is in Indonesia. I went there almost 10 years ago and reading about her adventures, so different than mine, makes me recall my trip. It's hard to believe that it's been so long ago already...

It was less than a year after my mom had died, and the first time in my adult life that I had traveled to an impoverished Asian country. And while Elizabeth Gilbert's book touches on the poverty and corruption of the island's colorful past, experiencing it with my own eyes was a disconcerting experience. I couldn't help but compare the people and locale to my mom and where she grew up in the Philippines, also an impoverished Asian country. I'm pretty good at trying to keep my emotional experiences separate from my tangible ones, but the death of your mother sticks with you more than anything. As some of you know. I remember thinking while I was there, that I have no desire to ever go back. Before that trip, Bali had always sounded so glamorous and exotic. And the reality was disheartening. Perhaps it is an Island of the Gods, but it's far from paradise. However reading Liz's book makes me remember the beauty of the people and the island.

A woman carrying her goods on her head, a common way to carry things in Asia. This was taken near Ubud, where Liz lived for those 4 months.

Near Ubud.

Getting ready for a spiritual ceremony at a temple near Ubud.

Lake at Mount Batur.

At the Elephant Cave, or Goa Gajah. There is a mix of Buddhist and Hindu spiritual symbols here and is estimated to have been built around 1022AD.

At Goa Gajah, there are amazing bathing pools:
The bathing pools are divided into 2, one for women the other for men, each with three water spouting statues.

This the Mother Temple, Pura Besakih. It is Bali's most holy and Indonesia's biggest Hindu temple.

A little peak at a private ceremony at the Mother Temple.

These were our tour guides. Niti, on the left showed us around the whole day. The other man was our guide thorough the temple.

Interesting architecture at the temple.

Still at the Mother Temple. She's carrying heavy stone bricks on her head!

The flowers and plant life take over everything.

Rice terraces of Bali.

I can't remember the name of this instrument, but it's traditional Balinese and Niti played it for us during one of our stops.

A view from above. Bali is very lush. Notice the feral dog and cat. The island had plenty of feral animals.

We saw a couple of traditional Balinese dances.
This was the Barong Dance. A dance that depicts the fight between good and evil.

A beautiful Barong Dancer.

Talented wood carver in Mas.

The Temple of the Holy Water, or Pura Tirta Empul.
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"I don't do resolutions"...

So I say.
I like the idea starting the new year with a fresh outlook, but I'm not a fan of pressure or commitment. And I'm not so good on the follow through. So why would i set myself up for failure? I've avoided making resolutions for several years because of this. However, the month of December brought on several excesses that definitely need to be tamed.

Shopping
My cousin has started her New Year with strict spending moratorium for 3 months. I considered joining her with some modifications. Earlier today Jimmy and I were reviewing our expenses and in the past month I had spent $5 here, $13 there, $21 everywhere, and even though each purchase was not a whole lot, multiply them by a kazillion and next thing I know, I've racked up a 17grandmilliondollar credit card bill. While I can justify some of it as Christmas expenses, I also managed to spend quite a bit on crafting supplies. For myself. Big surprise. So, realistically I know I won't be able to completely cut my crafting expenses out, but I'll definitely commit to cutting my expenses by at least 50%. (I can practically hear phin saying 'yeaaaa riiiiight'). For 3 months. Then I'll do a reassessment.

Battle of the Bulge
The first half of last year I did pretty well with the battle. Then I got a little lazy but maintained for the next 3 months. Then this crazy thing happened the end of November. It was called Thanksgiving. December continued the feasting. Well, it's time to get my focus back. And move more. I need to motivate myself to go on walks or hikes, take my camera and shoot photos. Now I need to figure out what to do with all these delicious foods, sweets and treats that are still lingering in my house.

A Load of Crap
Through the years, I've collected a massive quantity of stuff. I think it's related to the shopping problem. I have this "rule" where if I buy something, I need to get rid of something else in its replacement. I'm pretty good at sticking to this rule with clothes, shoes, bags or kitchen supplies. But I break it almost every time with crafting supplies. I really need to purge.

Anybody else attempting any New Year's resolutions commitments possibilities for 2008?

photos from the hideaway this weekend. completely unrelated to this topic. but as you can see, there was a tiny bit of snow.
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Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas

Today marks the 50th anniversary that Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas integrated nine African-American students and marks one of the major events of the Civil Rights Movement.

1957
After being driven away by angry mobs on the official first day of school on September 4th, the students were finally able to enter the halls of Central Rock High School on Monday September 23rd. They were met with protests and death threats; other students spat on them and did everything they could to make them feel unwanted and alienated. Each day presented new challenges to the students and one of the nine had to leave. However the other 8, through strength and determination, finished the school year and marked one of the most significant milestones in America’s Civil Rights history.

Last December, I had a chance to visit Central High School during a road trip with my sister-in-law. And although I remember learning about this event when I was in high school, nothing compares to actually being there and seeing this amazingly impressive building and how big and intimidating it is and must have been to these students walking up to it with the mob of protesters lining the streets and trying to prevent them from entering the high school.

If you’re interested in learning more, I highly recommend reading “Warriors Don’t Cry” which was written by Melba Pattillo Beals, one of the Little Rock Nine, or click on some of the links here.
_

Another thing

I really need to smack myself. I suppose I'll give myself a break because all of this sudden reflection can't happen all at once, when I'm trying to get ready for a big trip and the 4th of July. (have I told you that I'm not a great multi-tasker? Although I can chew gum and walk at the same time).

uh. what was my point here?

Oh yea. How could it have slipped my mind that my mom was the same age in these photos as I am now? That's just so crazy to me. Her 38 is so vastly different than my 38. Not just because she was getting married and I've been married for a long time already, but e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.! I know though, that's probably the case for almost all mothers and daughters.

What was your mother doing when she was your current age?
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Today would have been their 40th Wedding Anniversary

I'm a little bit ashamed. I've been so single minded lately that I didn't even realize till moments ago that 40 years ago, my parents got married in a tiny desert town in southern California. I never asked how they met before they were both gone, but I think I have a pretty good idea. My mom's cousin was married to a man who worked with my dad at the Apple Valley Inn. I suspect she played the little matchmaker, introduced my mom to my dad, then not long afterwards they were married. I really should thank that cousin!

updating

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Mine will be full of activities. Tomorrow morning, heading to the favorite scrapbook store for a chance at a 30 second shopping spree then going to Paper Source for their grand opening event. Sunday going to the parentals for dinner.

Wanted to give you an update on my attempt-to-better-health journey. I haven't blogged about it much but I'm almost down 2 sizes. My weight is evenly distributed - I'm not a pear, apple or cone shape. I fall more into the hourglass category. So even though I can't wear any of my 'big' pants anymore, I don't look like I've lost as much as the numbers indicate. This happened to me the last time, too. (7 years ago already). It wasn't noticeable for a long time till suddenly it was dramatic. Strangely enough, I'm really not telling anyone I know in the real world, except those few who read my blog. I think it's because the last time I was on this journey, it made some people uncomfortable. Like they couldn't eat in front of me or they had to change their way of eating or cooking when they were with me. It also made me uncomfortable whenever I would eat something that they deemed bad for me. I know how many points/calories I've eaten and how many I can afford for this meal or that snack. Trust me, I calculate everything to the 1/2 point. So if I'm eating a cookie, I know the caloric/point value of it and it's accounted for. I still eat ice cream (the low-cal kind) , chocolate and potato chips (always portioned out), Mexican and Hawaiian food. But I admit that I miss pizza.

On another note, since I admitted that I'm an aggressive driver, I've been driving a lot calmer lately. I really just like to get to wherever I'm going Now. So maybe I'm really more of a speed demon rather than aggressive. Because I always signal, I'll let people in if they signal and will move out of the way if someone wants to go even faster than I'm going. And I don't talk on my cell phone while I'm driving because I know that I can't possibly concentrate on driving fast, watching all the other cars around and hold a cell phone to my ear all at the same time. But what weighs on my conscience more is the gas issue. Since I drive an SUV, my gas mileage isn't ideal to start with. I try to get around 22mpg, but if I'm feeling a little lead footed, I'll only get around 19mpg. Yup, I need to slow down.

Those of you with blog readers have noticed that I've been updating my blog a bit. Just adding labels to past posts. That organizing thing I like to do. My apologies for any confusions. It'll probably happen a few more times till all of my old posts are properly labeled. Just as a little warning. :)

The Interview

I couldn’t resist playing when Zann offered up her Interview Challenge. We’re collaborators in an art blog but just getting to know each other on our personal blogs so decided to take this opportunity to get to know a little more about each other. It’d be a lot of fun if you’d like to play along, so lemme know if you do and I’ll send you 5 questions for you to answer on your blog, too.

1. How did you choose your screen name, Madretz?
Mad is the first 3 letters in my first name and Retz is the first 4 letters of my last name. A few people call me that personally but most call me Madeline or Mad. But I don’t like “Maddy.” Makes me cringe just thinking about it

2. What is the biggest life obstacle you've had to overcome?
Ou, this is a tough one. I’m actually gonna have to plead the 5th on the biggest life obstacle, it’s super personal and highly emotional and I’m still going thru “overcoming” it. But my 2nd biggest obstacle is nearly just as tough, and that was losing my mother 9 years ago. The funny thing is that I was closer to my dad, but I was at peace with his passing. I think because my mom died suddenly, so much was left unsaid. Also...I had to make the decision of keeping or taking her off life support and no matter what the statistics are or what the doctors said, I think I will always question the "What Ifs". Phew, that was tough. I’ve never spilled those beans on my blog before.

3. How did you meet Jimmy?
We’re high school sweethearts. We had classes together since the 9th grade but didn’t really become friends till our Jr. year when we sat next to each other in history class. I remember the beginning of our senior year and the first 4 periods, I was so disappointed that I didn’t have any classes with him. Happily, he showed up in my 5th period English class, we sat next to each other and continued our friendship. I was working at KFC (fried chicken anyone?) and he started working there, too. By December in our senior year, we were dating. Been together ever since.

4. What draws you to the medium of photography over other mediums?
I’ve been documenting my life since I was in the 5th grade when I got my first diary and I started taking snapshots around the same time. My first camera was a Polaroid, then in the 80s I got one of those new-fangled disc-cameras – remember those? The quality of the photos were awful, but they were small and fun for a young teenager. It all changed in 1993 when I got a film SLR camera. That’s when I started learning more about the creativity and art of photography. Still, most of my photography is to document the events that have happened in my life: people/places/things. But I take time photographing things that are visually appealing to me. I like framing the shot, paying attention to how light affects something, or playing with depth of field to focus on a certain object or make it blurry. When I switched to digital, I learned so much more because I can experiment without worrying about wasting film. Also, I’m a lot more confident in my photography skills than my writing skills, so my posts will almost always have photographs to accompany what I write. Often, I’ll let the photograph speak for itself.

5. What is your favorite children's book?
Ah. This is easy! The Madeline series by Ludwig Bemelmans. As a child (or teenager in my case), when you discover a book that’s titled with your name, spelled exactly the right way, then it’s gonna be your very favorite. Maybe that’s sort of cheating, so aside from that, I've loved Richard Scarry books since I started reading.

Thanks for the questions, Zann!
Hope some of my bloggy friends want to play, too. :)
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Oklahoma City

12 years ago yesterday, April 19th, our nation was devastated and saddened by the senseless bombing in Oklahoma City. My sister-in-law and I visited the Memorial in December and it was sad, awkward and horrific yet reflective and peaceful, also.

As I'm starting to write this, I'm struggling with my words because of the events that happened in Virginia this week. Hoping not to make any wounds deeper, but wanting to share my experience at the Oklahoma City Memorial. So in an effort to remember the people lost 12 years ago as well as those lost this week, I'll continue with my experience.

Reflecting Pool
This reflecting pool was built on the street that fronted the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building. There are identical gates at either end of the pool with 9:01 and 9:03 inscribed that represent the time immediately before and after the explosion. It's always awkward seeing yourself in reflecting pools such as this. It brings to home those thoughts that "It could have been me".

Survivor Tree
On the north side of the reflecting pool stands a solitary American Elm tree known at the Survivor Tree because in the face of the explosion, the tree survived. There's a lot of symbolism in this tree - Strength and Hope at the forefront.

The Field Of Empty Chairs
The saddest and most moving area of the Memorial was The Field of Empty Chairs. There are a total of 168 Empty Chairs on this field where the federal building once stood. There are a total of 9 rows of chairs, representing the 9 floors of the former building. Each person's chair is positioned in the row that corresponds to the floor where they worked or were visiting. There are also 5 Empty Chairs that honor those who were killed outside of the federal building. Each persons name is inscribed on his chair. Yes, there are smaller chairs, too.

Jesus Weeping
Just outside the Memorial Gate is this statue.

Written on both gates and inside the memorial museum:
"We come here to remember those who were killed, those who survived and those changed forever. May all who leave here know the impact of violence. May this memorial offer comfort, strength, peace, hope and serenity."

Peaceful blessings.

Fresh Start

It's not very often when anyone looks forward to a Monday. But hopefully this'll be a fresh start to a brighter week compared to last week. I won't go into details here because the consequences didn't effect me directly so I don't want to share that to the whole world. But there are certainly a few things that I'm very grateful for that happened last week:
-I got to spend a few days with my dearest friend and her amazing daughter. It was so nice being with her, I just wish we lived closer together. I even went to a gymboree class with them - so fun!
-Long drives somehow give you free license to eat junk food. mmm...cornuts!
-I realized that there are a couple of advantages of being an only child.
-I ate at Chick-Fil-A. I tried to go last year in Dallas but it was a Sunday so it was closed. I didn't even know they were in California. Good chicken sandwiches.
Speaking of chicken, did you know that the average American eats 66 pounds of chicken a year?

The Ferry Building, San Francisco on our anniversary.

Married 16 years, together since we were babies

Not really babies, but sheesh! Lookie how young we were.

We started dating December 1985 so, wow, we've been together for over 21 years. This is our graduation picture June 1986. Four and a half years after this, we were married at 22.

Happy anniversary sweets. It's been a blast!

2006: Year in Review

January: Yosemite, cabin with friends
February: Race day with the Stutes, Dallas
April: Ashes and Snow in Santa Monica
May: Taylor's birthday, Mothers Day, Ryan at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, Coach Max at NCAA championship game, Ashley's Graduation, Morro Bay & the coast highway
June: Picking berries with the Bowens, volunteering at CKU
July: Dinner with the Bowens, Forth of July, Childrens Tech Museum w/ Machados, San Jose Obon Festival, Capitola for my birthday, Steve and crew at cabin
August: SF Zoo with Bowens, cabin w/ Linda and Andrew, Seattle, cabin w/ Chancey's
September: Meeting Larkin, Bowen kids birthdays, Golden Gate date nite, exploring the high country, Disney 5k race, Kauai
October: Las Vegas, Bob's Big Boy, SF w/ Monica and famiy
November: Hanging w/ Danielle and Taylor, Thanksgiving, Disneyland, Sambos in Santa Barbara
December: misc. roadtrip photos, Christmas, kitty at the cabin

Slow Down

I was out and about today, scurrying around trying to get last minute errands done. I saw 3 accidents on the roads happen right in front of me. After the first 2, which were w/in a 1/4 mile of each other and near the mall, I realized I just need to take it slow today because it's 3 days before Christmas and no one wants to have an accident now.

So please everyone...while you're out and about the next couple of days, don't get in a tizzy because it's not worth it to save 10 minutes to get in front of the 5 cars ahead of you because an accident will cost you so much more than time.

I know I have a tendency to drive very fast and get frustrated on the freeways, but after seeing what was happening today, I'm certainly stepping back a bit.

5 days

Time is the craziest thing. I've been home for 5 days, the exact amount of time that I was on the road with my SIL. But those 5 days felt like a month. The past 5 days felt like a day and a half. Why is that?

It's odd to me because I feel like I've been running around with my head chopped off trying to get so many things done for the holidays. But when it comes down to it, I haven't accomplished much. However, looking back at those 5 days on the road, it felt like time was standing still, yet we drove all the way across the country and saw so many things.

In the past 5 days at home, all I've accomplished is getting rid of a cold, restocking the fridge & pantry, going to a Christmas party, going to a fantastic holiday tea party, buying a few more Christmas presents, writing and addressing all my Christmas cards and starting the yearly family calendar. I haven't even blogged much since I've been home because I'm scurrying around doing this and that.

I could really use a big glass of sweet tea right now.

Sunrise leaving Amarillo, TX.

Day 5: New Albany, MS to Atlanta, GA then, unexpectedly, home 2 days early

Along the way, I caught a cold. I guess that'll happen when I have a propensity to get sick a lot and I've been traveling hard. So my SIL insisted that I fly home from Atlanta as the cold was just starting to fester, rather than wait 2 more days and have to fly home in full blown cold-mode. I'm so glad I did because I slept 10 hours in my own bed and after a few hours of night sweats, hopefully I've broken the fever. My throat is still scratchy, but I don't feel as congested. I just got off the phone with my SIL and she just crossed the border into Virginia so she'll be at her brother's in less than an hour from now. She did have to spend one night alone in South Carolina, but her drive into Richmond today is short and she dropped me off at the airport at 5 so we were able to spend most of day 5 together.

Mississippi:
We left New Albany around 8 in the pouring rain. We considered stopping in Tupelo, Elvis' birthplace and the Tupelo National Battlefield (continuing our National Historic Site tours) but it was raining so hard we just wanted to continue on. Essentially, Mississippi was just a place to sleep for us. Didn't get the chance to see much of the state, if there is much to see even.

Alabama:
We were driving away from the storm so by the time we got into Alabama, the rain was gone. The landscape was a little bit more interesting, more pine trees and rolling hills along with the barren, leaf-less trees of winter. Did however, see one house with a confederate flag and one truck at WalMart with a confederate sticker, but I still didn't feel uncomfortable being there because I know those people are in the minority, they just like to be outspoken about their beliefs. Birmingham seemed a little gloomy as we drove thru the big city. There was something just a little dismal about it that I can't pinpoint. Maybe because it's winter and everything in general was gloomy, but the city just seemed a little tired. However, we stopped to eat in Moody, Alabama just east of Birmingham and met the coolest lady. We ate at the Cracker Barrel (Yahoo!! Love that restaurant) and our waitress was awesome and so full of character. We started chatting with her about our drive and she asked us where we were from "cuz you don't talk like yur from here." After we told her we were from California, she chatted with us and said "well, you got no winders in California." SIL and I both look at her blankly and just shake our heads. She continues, in her very thick accent speaking very fast "We got a waitress here who's from California. She's been here for a few years now, but she always used to ask to service the window section. Finally, we told her: hon, we don't got a window section. All we got is a winder section." She was hilarious! Whenever she came back to service our table, bring us back some sweet ice tea (there is NOTHING as refreshing as southern sweet tea!) she'd tell us snippets of her life. Her 11 year old son, 22 and 25 year old son and daughter. Her sister, her mother and father and her dawg. Her dawg is a little rascal and chews and bites and her older old son tells her "Maw, you gotta be the alpha. You gotta teach that dawg that yur the alpha and yur in charge". She says to us "Now, I'm just a skinny ol' redneck, so I don't know what no alpha means. And her comes my son tellin' me that I gotta be the alpha." She was so cool, sharp-witted and tough as nails. And, believe it or not, we ate our healthiest meal at the Cracker Barrel: grilled chicken salads. Finally got some greens! Atlanta was still a couple of hours away, but we enjoyed our drive thru Alabama. The roads were good and we watched our speed and the truck drivers because our waitress told us "Them Atlanta truckers'll drive you off the road, an' our state troopers'll putcha in jail fer 10 days if they catchya goin' over ahunnerd so just keep an eye out for 'em". Before leaving Alabama, we saw the big Talladega speedway from the highway. Now I have to watch that movie "Talladega Nights". As well as "Sweet Home Alabama" again. Alabama was good to us.

Georgia:
And so was Atlanta. I only wish we had more time to explore this beautiful city. As we crested a hill from I-20, the beautiful Atlanta skyline appeared. It's a beautiful city. The architecture is amazing. But we only had time to go to the MLK Jr birthplace since we didn't get into the city till close to 4. Spent about an hour there and headed to the airport. I caught a 7pm flight out and my SIL continued on to S. Carolina for the evening. I felt bad leaving her alone, but she's familiar with that area so wasn't driving blind and she had her pup with her. I was home by 11:45 and in bed by 12:30.

Reflecting:
Driving cross country is an amazing experience, especially when you can do it with someone you love and truly enjoy spending the time with. There's a lot to see, but there's also a lot of down time sitting in a car just trying to make it from point A to point B. There are countless times when you're asking "Are we there yet?". But a trip like this really isn't a vacation because the days are long and arduous, trying to drive as many miles as possible yet see a few sights along the way so it doesn't get boring. Luckily, weather was on our side till we left Mississippi. We were glad that we went south rather than north thru Knoxville since that rain storm would have probably been icy or freezing rain. And we wouldn't have met the cool waitress in Moody, Alabama or seen Atlanta, as brief as it was.

I'm just so grateful that I have these amazing relationships with my in-law family. Being an only child and with both of my parents gone, I just feel so blessed that Jimmy's family is a part of my life. His family is my family and no one makes a distinction.

All About Bob

Ya gotta love this guy, dontcha?

On our way home from Vegas on Monday evening, we stopped in beautiful Baker, California for dinner. Usually, we stop at Del Taco (it's history is in Barstow afterall), but we noticed a billboard on the freeway advertising Bob's Big Boy. We haven't been there in years. 5? 10? Something like that. So we had to stop. Our lives depended on it. We were about to wither away because hadn't eaten enough food at the Vegas buffet the day before.

Bob's Big Boy restaurants have just about disappeared in California, or at least it seems like it. Maybe they're having a resurgence. That'd be a good thing as long as they stay in Southern California. I don't need them up here to tempt me. And I'm in S. California enough that I won't be deprived. Like how I'm deprived from Cracker Barrel because they're a Southern/Eastern/Midwestern thing.

In the high desert where I grew up, there was one Bob's Big Boy restaurant. My family only went out to eat once a week, on Sunday after church. Most of the time we'd go to McDonalds or Burger King. On special occasions, we'd go to the sit-down restaurants in town - Bob's Big Boy or Sambos. Admittedly, Sambos was our family's first choice until they went out of business in 1982 but Bob's was a very close 2nd.

When Jimmy grew up, his family went to Bob's often. He remembers going with his family at the crack of dawn, usually before a motorcycle event or space shuttle landing at nearby Edwards Air Force Base. After long work days or long car trips, Bob's was his family's restaurant of choice.

Then when Jimmy and I started dating, it was the restaurant we ate at after senior prom in the wee-early morning. Yes, Bob's Big Boy is a part of our history. It's a little bit pathetic, but it's ours.

Merci, mes amis!

Everyone has been so encouraging and thoughtful and I just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am that I've met all of you through this medium. I love how much we share with each other and how positive this environment has been for me.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! Bouquets of flowers for all of you!

Happy Birthday Jimmy!

Hey sweety! (I know you're watching, heehee!!)
Love ya so much.

Jimmy and I met in high school. We had classes together since the 9th grade, but it wasn't until our junior year when we sat next to each other in history that our friendship started. One of my most vivid memories from that history class was right before a test. For the life of me, I couldn't (by myself) remember what OPEC stood for, so I was going to cheat and started writing it on the palm of my hand. Jimmy stopped me and somehow got me to remember what it was: Oil Producing Exporting Country. So engrained, I'll never forget till the day I die. ;)

The beginning of our senior year, we were still just friends. But I remember that first day of school, hoping that he'd be in one of my classes. By the 4th period, he still wasn't in any of my classes. 5th period though, English - yay! there he was. We sat next to each other and our friendship continued. We even worked together at Kentucky Fried Chicken (finger lickin' good!). In November 1985, we started doing stuff outside of work and school together and finally started dating in December and we've been together ever since.

I feel very blessed that I found my best friend so early in life and that through all the years, the challenges haven't separated us, they've made us stronger. That I've been able to spend my most joyous occasions with him and share my most grievous ones, too.

I hope you can handle me for at least another 38 more years, sweety. I know I can't wait to see what the next 38 will bring. We'll be 76! Just Imagine.

38 years ago

Tomorrow is my birthday.

I can't help but think about my mother. I spent my entire teenage years battling her. And nearly all of my adult years till she died. It's been over 8 years since she's been gone and I'm just now able to write about her. And damn, do I miss her. I think now that I'm older and not in constant conflict with her, I can see the way we interacted with each other more objectively. I can see her perspective a lot clearer now.

She was strict. Stricter than all of my friends parents. Stricter than my "cousins" (ie: all the other Filipinos in town) parents. She wasn't afraid to smack me around. She used guilt and was good at it. That's how they did it in the Philippines. The problem though, we weren't in the Philippines. I was born in a small, remote desert community about 2 hours from Los Angeles. When I was born, my mother consciously made the decision to raise me as American as possible. She succeeded. A little bit to her dismay. I listened to punk rock and new age music, I watched MTV, the Brady Bunch and John Hughes movies. I talked back (enter the smack across face), I talked on the phone too much, I got my drivers license as soon as I turned 16. I sneaked around behind her back. But I got good grades, almost always made curfew, never did drugs or smoked. Didn't date till I was 17. Went to college and married my high school sweetheart.

We constantly fought. Our relationship was strained. She wanted to beat me into submission. I wanted independence. She wanted me to act like a good Filipino daughter. But she raised a good American daughter. I became exactly the person she wanted me to be, but I didn't have an ounce of filipino-ness in me. She regretted not teaching me the language or customs. She constantly compared to how things were like “back home”. I had no concept of “back home” because this was home.

There were a lot of other things that contributed to our strained relationship, but now that she’s gone, I understand why she did the things she did. We were continuously fighting a cultural battle.

As I approach my birthday, I wonder what she was like before I was born. She died before I could really conceptualize that my mom's life was more than “she grew up poor in the Philippines”. I was still too young and immature. But she was about 36 when she came to California, 39 when I was born. I’ll be 38 tomorrow. I’ve done a lot of living already, and it would be sad if my hypothetical child had no concept of how important those years are to me.

I also wonder what my mom went though when I was born and what I was like as a baby. In the late 60’s it was really unusual for a 39 year old to have a baby. Was she scared? Was her doctor kind? Did she breast feed? Did I cry a lot? How long was her labor? How old was I when I started potty-training?

I also wonder if she were still alive today, would our relationship still be strained? Would I not be able to see beyond our differences?

All this soul-searching has me craving cake and ice cream.

Bring it on!
_

Car Woes and Global Warming

Hello, my name is Madretz and I'm an SUV driver.
It's not really something I yell out to the world. But in my defense, it doesn't get "that" bad of gas mileage considering typical SUV mileage. And we actually use it's 4wd capabilities. Since we have a cabin that is up a mountainous road with an average snowfall of 40 inches per year, we need a car that has a high clearance and won't (hopefully) get stuck in the snow or mud. We try to be responsible SUV drivers. If/when this car dies, we've talked about getting the hybrid version or Toyota Highlander's hybrid version.

However, with gas prices the way they are and evidence that we really need to pay more attention to how we're affecting our environment, I'm tempted to park my car and not drive it at all.

Jimmy's car is still at the mechanics (day 11). My "check engine" light came on a couple of days ago. Luckily we can function with only one vehicle, but I can't help but be concerned about that check engine light. Coincidentally, it came on the day after we watched "An Inconvenient Truth."

After watching that movie, I can't help but pay attention to these coincidences. The flooding back east, the droughts in the southwest, and the record temperatures we've had in the west. At the very least, you have to scratch your chin.

Jimmy photoshopped the racing advertisement onto my car a couple of years ago just for the halibut. I particularily like the purple rims. :-) The original photo was taken about a mile from where I grew up. 

Belated Father's Day Post

Me and my dad.
Yup, my dad. Not my grandfather.
He was 64 when I was born.
He'd be 101 now.
As an adult (and now that he's gone) I'm thinkin'...geez, what a stud!
Fathering a kid at 64??

He was my hero.
And he spoiled me rotten (to my mother's dismay - she ruled with an iron fist).

And, theoretically, I'm his only kid.
But there are a lot of years that he was a Single.Man.

Grew up an only child.
Now I can't help but wonder...